Partner emotionally unavailable. Here is how to deal with it


So here is the big deal. You love him, he loves you or so as he claims, yet there is a nagging feeling in your heart that you tend to often ignore. What about all those birthdays and anniversary’s that he often forgets? Why doesn’t he pine the same way as you do if he too loves you? Why can’t you be his topmost priority like you give him his? Blah blah… and the list goes on endless without any answer. It is very easy to give advice leave him, dump him if he doesn’t care but we all know inside that how difficult it is. Face it ladies! The big truth is you re desperately emotionally in love with him and as they say can’t live with him, can’t live without him.

So, the next question is where does it leave you? Often times we feel if there was a magic wand to just forget it but then there is no magic, the magic is inside you. The truth is man’s psychology and female psychology works in different parameters altogether and there are many theories to support it. And it is not only the case of housewives but also in the case of working professionals. Often times I used to feel that when I can manage and pine for my partner why can’t he be the same. Often times you must be getting the common answer that I am busy but then so are you. So, ladies if you are reading this then we are in the same boat sisters so lets jot down as how and what to deal with this situation.

1. Firstly, stop the denial thing and blaming yourself. There is nothing wrong in you and neither you are inferior to him in any way. God has made you as special as anyone else. If there is some quality which you think your partner is better than you then there is some quality in which you excel in better than him. So, girls give some credit for putting up so much if for nothing else.

2. If you have followed Reiki, meditation, law of attraction or any counselling courses all of them teach about the value of self-love. If you cannot love yourself how can you expect someone else to love you? If you cannot give yourself priority how can you be someone else’s priority? So, its high time you prioritize yourself. Your health, your time, your requirements should come foremost. I have seen one of my friend waiting desperately for my boyfriend to call her and once his call comes she used to leave everything behind and attend to his call as if it was some God’s prasad. I told her one day when she was in bathroom that its ok if the phone rings he won’t run away anywhere. It is you who is feeding his ego. And later on, she told me he was surprised because he was not used to not his call being answered in the first time. But It also worked when she told him that she was busy. And her boyfriend was taken aback because she subtly let him know that even she can be busy and not on his heck and call everytime,

3. Being in love is a wonderful feeling undoubtedly and it should be your strength and not your weakness. Analyse yourself whether it is love or obsession. Nobody likes obsession rather it drives people away. Give your partner space so that he too misses you and values you. And let me tell you the trick man knows this and applies it every time with their partners. So, if you think your partner is distancing himself you too do the same. It shouldn’t be you give 90% and he 30%.

4. Try to divert your mind and time in some passion that you can indulge and love. For ex you can plan a trip with your friends or write something or catch up with old friends. As they say an idle mind is a devil’s workshop. And a bit of warning if you feel like staying alone all the time please consult your friends and family as these can be warning signs. Many people tend to go to depression if a long-term relationship fails.

5. Don’t try the formula of making your partner jealous by hooking up with someone else. If there are some issues it is always better to sit down and discuss. And if it is not working out give yourself some time to heal. Just to make your partner jealous might also backfire. Additionally, it will make you lose respect in front of him. If you are breaking up also at least do so in a manner that will make him forever regret.

6. Having trouble in paradise doesn’t make the world stop. Indulge and pamper yourself and make sure you look like a hundred bucks. So that even if your partner is not giving you attention he will regret it and will bound to look back. Moreover, man likes females who have a life of their own rather than being dependent on them all the time. Have you noticed the schedule of your guy? If he can go to gym, take care of himself, hang out with his friends why can’t you?

7. Still there will be times when your heart will try to push the call button. Its ok if you feel so. Be honest with your partner tell him you are trying to deal with the situation and how does it make you feel. Try 15 min of daily meditation believe me it really helps in controlling distress and emotional turmoil.

8. All these tips are to help you in dealing with your emotions because if you think it is going to get done in 1 day you are wrong. But once you are in control of your emotions you will be able to deal with the situation and then take a call on it. As I said before the magic is in you and its ok to love him but you must love yourself more. And to have an affair with someone else first have a love affair with yourself, Remember Geet from Jab we Met-Mai Khud ki Favourite hoon, that should be your motto!

9. Weigh all your options and then finally ask yourself-Is the relationship worth having? Or are you simple dragging it? Is it fear that is stopping you from leaving him? Often times it is fear that stops us from taking decision because we cannot imagine our life without the other. If it is so then ask yourself don’t people continue their love even after the death of their spouse or respective partner. If time can heal their wounds why will it not yours? So be free and live freely without any fear. You deserve as much love and attention as your partner and state this fact clearly to him in a nice and gentle manner.

10. And lastly always give your best shot from your heart. So that tomorrow you can say to yourself that you had tried your level best. And even after that if it didn’t work out he didn’t deserve you and not the other way around

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author’s own.





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